There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
