Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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