My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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