my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
