it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
