i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
