Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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