I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize