I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
