watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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