Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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