First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize