and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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