Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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