I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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