hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
