So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
