Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
