just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
