Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
