dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize