i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
