am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
