Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I bet he comes in French.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
