i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
