Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
