you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
