xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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