Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
