Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
