Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
