Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
