I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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