His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
