it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
