If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
