I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
