I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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