i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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