Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
