I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
