Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
