i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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