I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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