if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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