He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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