super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
