I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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