69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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