dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
