End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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