he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
