people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You smell like stripper and shame
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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