you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
