this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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