they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
