So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
