If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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