Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
