we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
