Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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