May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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