My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
