Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
