Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
