I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
