we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
