i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
