He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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