Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
