You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
