She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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