I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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