I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
