things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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