so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
