remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
