Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
