New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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