After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
