see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
