I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ladies don't puke and tell
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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