We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
