I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
