my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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