Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
