I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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