I have demons in me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
