the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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