i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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