found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
