Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And then my night got REAL pukey
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
