I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
