I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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