Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
