i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
