Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
