Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize