Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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