haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
