Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize