i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
