She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
