and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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