omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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