I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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