I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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